Are you tired, exhausted, sleepy? Are ordinary caffeinated beverages no longer enough to quell your all-consuming fatigue? Are the products in bottles you use for this purpose useless after those five hours are up? Do you need a new product to get you going? If you answered yes to any of these questions, then you need Carter Jackson’s famous Jackson Juice! No, I’m not selling you a thing, because I’m generous. I am going to do a service to the weary, caffeine addicted zombies of our nation by sharing the recipe for my homemade energy drink!
- 19½ oz. of Red Bull
- 4½ Tsp of fresh coffee grounds
- 22 oz. Sucrose
- 19 oz. Methylenedioxymethamphetamine
- 17½ oz. Desoxyn
- 9½ oz. U 234
- 3½ overcharged car batteries
- 2000 volts
- Pour the Red Bull into a large pot.
- Add the coffee grounds, stir, and bring the pot to a boil.
- When the mixture boils, add the Methylenedioxymethamphetamine and Desoxyn to the mixture, stirring the whole way.
- Bring the mixture down to a simmer, and add the sucrose.
- Taste the mixture, if you don’t like the taste, add more sucrose and repeat until you like the flavor.
- Add the 234U and the internal fluids of the car batteries, stirring very carefully.
- Use a wire or other mechanism to add the additional 2000 volts of electricity.
- Leave to cool for 24 hours.
Disclaimer: I’m not responsible for any legal consequences of possessing some of these ingredients, or any physical consequences of drinking this including, but not limited to: esophagus vaporization, radiation poisoning, internal liquefaction, mutation into a bloodthirsty monster, electrocution, insanity, every atom in your body ripping apart, cells transforming into black holes, explosions that make H-Bombs look like firecrackers, or Armageddon occurring in your digestive tract.