Bad Ideas

  1. Take a vacation to North Korea
  2. Hug a bear
  3. Invade Russia in winter
  4. Invade Russia in winter (This was such a historically proven bad idea that it needed to be included twice.)
  5. Pour blood on a person with telekinesis (Especially when they’ve had a bad life already and they’re a hormone-filled teen)
  6. Do anything that begins with the phrase “Watch this!”
  7. Mention Bill & Ted to a Doctor Who fan
  8. Do a Force Choke a Trekkie
  9. Do a Nerve Pinch on a Star Wars fan
  10. Baptize a cat
  11. Click on the first ad you see on a random site, click the first ad you see on that site, and do so over and over
  12. Deliver all of your presidential speeches in Valley Speak (unless you want to lose, in which case, go for it!)
  13. Feed a banana into a fax machine
  14. Give a mouse a cookie
  15. Give a moose a muffin
  16. Give a pig a pancake
  17. Give Hitler a part of Austria
  18. Let a stranger into your house (make an exception if that stranger is a giant bipedal cat, and is wearing a red and white striped hat.)
  19. Drink and drive
  20. Drink and drive (This another one I felt compelled to add a second time after I read Misery)
  21. Declare nuclear war
  22. Declare war on America
  23. Declare war on the UK
  24. Declare war on North Korea
  25. Declare war on Oceania
  26. Declare war on Mordor
  27. Declare war on Russia (Especially not in winter)
  28. You know what? Declare war period
  29. Sell your soul to the devil
  30. Sell your soul to the internet
  31. Sell your soul to corrupt mega-corporations
  32. Sell your soul to the government
  33. Sell your soul to a particular politician
  34. Sell your soul on eBay
  35. Sell your soul on Craigslist (special emphasis on this one)
  36. Sell your soul to anyone else
  37. Bet your soul in a game of poker
  38. Walk through dark alleys
  39. Ask Santa for the deed to his workshop for Christmas
  40. Ask Santa for his reindeer for Christmas
  41. Ask Santa for his bag for Christmas
  42. Put sedatives in the cookies you leave Santa and steal his sleigh while he’s asleep
  43. Refer to Thanksgiving as “The day where I get to gorge myself while waiting for Christmas” in public
  44. Give your real name on the internet
  45. Give your address on the internet
  46. Give your phone number, email address, or other contact information on the internet
  47. Give your “True Name” on the internet (Hey, you never know if a wizard might stumble across that information)
  48. Play Jumanji
  49. Say that it was just a cat when you hear a crashing noise outside
  50. Not call the police when you’re chased by a man in a hockey mask, or someone equally monstrous

    51. Say “Bloody Mary” three times

    52. Say “Betelgeuse” three times

    53. Say “Carter Jackson” three times

    54. Say “The NSA”, “Big Brother”, “The FBI”, or “Thought Police” three times

    55. Say “My ex” three times

    56. Say the name of your mother/father in law three times

    57. Not say “The pizza guy” three times

    58. Enter the Wonka Factory (Seriously, that place is a deathtrap)

    59. Sing “Ding Dong the Witch is Dead” at your mother’s funeral (Don’t even think about replacing the Ws with Bs)

    60. Pour baby powder into an AC unit

    61. Set the thermostat to absolute zero

    62. Eat an apple a day when you have cancer

    63. Feed the doctor an apple

    64. Give the teacher a stethoscope

    65. Go into battle wearing a sword

    66. Go into battle wielding a suit of armor

    67. Feature Sherlock Holmes in an episode of Scooby Doo

    68. Anything that involves the phrase “REALLY REALLY BIG BOMBS!”

    69. Dress as the twin towers for Halloween anything

    70. Dress as Jar Jar Binks for Comicon

    71. Bring a knife to a gunfight

    72. Break into what’s left of the Chernobyl reactor and look at the Elephant’s Foot (No, the radiation won’t give you superpowers.)

    73. Let a spider bite you (That won’t give you superpowers either)

    74. Pump yourself full of serum (That probably isn’t going to give you superpowers. [Don’t do drugs kids.])

    75. Try to give yourself superpowers in any other way.

    76. Pull someone’s hair when you first see them to make sure they aren’t wearing a wig.

    77. Anything involving you reading anything on this list and the phrase “Challenge Accepted”.

    78. Take a bath in stomach acid

    79. Kiss a cactus

    80. Tie a piece of toast onto the back of a cat butter-side up, and toss said cat off the Empire State building.

    81. Do your business from the top of the Empire State building

    82. “High dive” off the top of the Empire State building

    83. Steal a fleet of bomber planes just so that you can dump bouncy balls on cities.

    84. Steal a fleet of bomber planes just so that you can “make it rain” on a whole city (This is not only dangerous, but also a big waste of a lot of cash.)

    85. Play a game of real life space invaders with skydivers

    86. Challenge Ron Swanson to an eating contest

    87. Challenge Sherlock Holmes to a game of Clue

    88. Challenge David Copperfield to a magic duel

    89. Challenge Chuck Norris to a fight anything involving any kind of weapon anything at all

    90. Challenge a banshee to a shouting match

    91. Yell “IT’S ALIIIIIIVVVVEEE!!!!!” when someone wakes up from a nap

    92. Read any book that’s title is a large amount of different shades of the same color

    93. Anything that involves the phrase “Giant Monster”

    94. Anything involving mentos, coke, and dark magic

    95. Communism

    96. Fascism

    97. Totalitarianism

    98. Dictatorship

    99. Surrender your rights to the government

    100. The Patriot Act

    101. Read a dark incantation when you have a stuttering problem

    102. Listen to a snake’s advise

    103. Kill your brother

    104. Anger an omnipotent being in any other way (especially if it’s the old testament).